Are Canadians really scared of the dark

Like many Canadians I keep a polar bear as a personal companion, and as a source of personal protection/transportation. While many people out side of the country think there are no drawbacks to this practice and that its just a national oddity, we know it's different. When a Canadian child is born a suitable bear is found, and placed inside of the cradle with the child, if the child is strong and healthy the polar bear will wrap itself protectively around the infant, and they will both sleep for 3 days and three nights (if the child is unworthy the bear will eat it). During this slumber the child and bear will bond together forming a symbiotic relationship, granting the bear a longer life span and heightened intelligence than an unbound bear , thus providing the child with a companion that it can completely and utterly trust and confide/communicate with.

Many people outside of the country think that is where the relationship stops, but it goes far deeper than that. Far north in the wastelands that are far colder than the southern reaches of our glorious country lies a realm that crosses the boundaries between physical and spiritual where the spirits of the fallen bears and their companions carouse and enjoy their afterlife. When a bonded bear or its human dies of unnatural causes the survivor will feel an urge to begin traveling north, they will be drawn to this wasteland, and if they are successful in crossing the perils of the frozen tundra, they may cross the boundaries and be re-united with the spirit of their fallen companion. This reunion is so powerful and joyous that the survivor will draw the spirit of the fallen into themselves, and then re-join society. But the body only has room for one soul, and while initially this co-existence is benign, the mind of the host will rapidly degenerate as it's existence is merged with the second presence encased within them. These creatures will be driven by the most basic instincts of the bear and human, and will search out others of its kind, forming packs that are called polandriums.

These packs will roam through the darkness searching out creatures with which to merge, in an attempt to expunge the extra entities encased with in them, but they will frequently kill the thing they attempt to expel the excess spirit into. When successful the original host will revert to the way they were before the journey into the far reaches of the north. The extra spirit can also be expelled by the keeper of the bird ( our national shaman. However there are many polandriums roaming the countryside, and the keeper of the bird has more duties than to simply exorcise these conjoined spirits.

The important thing is, when we Canadians are afraid of the dark, it is because we are scared for the sanctity of our souls, and the souls of our eternal companions.